Why choice is important for children

This is really not so surprising, given that most of them have been conditioned to accept a posture of passivity at school and sometimes at home. This resistance takes three primary forms. The second is testing: offering outrageous suggestions or responses to see if the teacher is really serious about the invitation to participate.

The third is parroting: repeating what adults have said or guessing what this adult probably wants to hear. The key question is how we respond to these maneuvers. It can be tempting to conclude that students are either unable to handle the responsibility of making decisions or unworthy of having it. But our challenge is to persevere. As Selma Wassermann has written,. Outlandish ideas can be met with a sense of humor but also taken seriously: a student who is asked how school could be improved and replies that all the books should be thrown away may be saying something about her experience of the curriculum that we ignore at our peril.

Finally, in the case of parroting, it can be hard even to recognize this tactic as a form of resistance — or as something undesirable. It represents an invitation to ask students about their experiences with saying what they knew would please an adult and how different that feels from taking the risk of making a suggestion that someone might not like — and then emphasizing that the latter is what we are looking for here.

Of course, whether the last point is true — whether we really are looking for students who take risks and make decisions — is the first question that each of us must answer. The structural and attitudinal barriers erected by educators often seem impregnable, with the result that students continue to feel powerless and, to that extent, burned out. For decades, prescriptions have been offered to enhance student motivation and achievement.

But these ideas are unlikely to make much of a difference so long as students are controlled and silenced. For example, see Charles E. Felicia R. Strictly speaking, as such thinkers as Jean-Paul Sartre and Viktor Frankl have pointed out, people are never entirely powerless.

Children have been exercising their powers for years, without the formal right to do so. Ditto for teachers … [who] sabotage reforms — the best and the worst — when they feel imposed upon and helpless.

Suzanne C. See also Robert A. Karasek et al. Judith Rodin and Ellen J. In another study, nursing home residents who were able to control or at least predict when a student would come visit them were not only happier and more hopeful but also physically healthier than those who received the same number of visits but on a random schedule. For a review of the relevant studies by him and others, see Shelley E.

See Elizabeth Tuettemann and Keith F. Women who were told they could choose the particulars of an exercise program at a health club were more likely to continue attending over six weeks and to declare their willingness to keep coming after that than were women who were told their program was simply assigned to them — even though they, too, were actually assigned activities on the basis of the preferences they had expressed. See Carol E. Thompson and Leonard M. See Judith M.

Harackiewicz et al. Adolescent girls but not boys were more likely to continue using an anticavity fluoride rinse for nearly half a year when they were invited to make decisions about how the program was designed and monitored. See Joseph A. Burleson et al. This research has been reviewed and evaluated by Suzanne C. Megan R. Richard M. Ryan and Wendy S. Carr, Modern Methods in Secondary Education , 4th ed. For a more comprehensive description of the study, see Wilford M.

New York: Harper, Margaret C. Unfortunately, task completion was the only outcome measured in this study. Robert G. Teresa M. Miron Zuckerman et al. On the relation between choice and task involvement, see also John G. For a description of the classroom structure in this yearlong experiment, see Erna Yackel et al. For a discussion of the results, see Paul Cobb et al. Ann K. Boggiano et al. Informal reports from other researchers suggest that a more typical result from an intervention of this sort is an enhancement of conceptual thinking skills along with intrinsic motivation and other psychological and social benefits but no change on standardized test scores, which probably is a reflection on how little these scores really mean.

It should be sufficient to be able to show people who care about these scores that giving students more choice about their learning has no detrimental effect on their performance on machine-scored tests while bringing about a variety of other advantages. John Nicholls and Susan P. Paul Cobb et al.

McLeod and V. Adams, eds. It transforms pupils from listeners into talkers and doers, from powerless pawns into participant citizens empowered to influence decisions about what they must do in school. Sometimes elementary school students are asked to put their heads down when they raise their hands to register a preference. This strikes me as an apt metaphor for the whole enterprise of voting.

Who prefers the zoo? Okay, the zoo wins, 15 to Moreover, 12 children are now unlikely to feel very excited about the upcoming field trip. The same analysis applies on a schoolwide basis.

The usual student council apparatus is deficient on three counts: most students are excluded from direct participation in decision making, some students are turned into losers since the representatives are chosen in a contest, and the council has little real power in any case.

My own thinking on how class meetings might be structured has been influenced primarily by the work of the Child Development Project, whose writings on the topic have not been published. See Summerhill New York: Hart, , pp.

On this point, see Lickona and Paradise, p. This distinction is offered frequently in the work of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. Indeed, children whose curiosity has not been killed by the use of rewards or other extrinsic controls typically select tasks of the right difficulty level for themselves. A related restriction on choice that may be employed excessively is the practice of preventing students from altering an activity once they have selected it.

Some parents panic thinking that if they give their child a choice that they will soon be ruling the roost. This is not so, as the parent can choose what the choices will be, and therefore can choose things that they can live with. It is a win win for everyone as the child feels empowered because he gets to choose and the parent still holds the reins by providing choices that they are comfortable with either way.

Khrista Boylan , child psychiatrist, says to start teaching a child how to make decisions, the parent needs to ensure the choice is manageable and realistic for the age of the child. Do not offer choices to children younger than 2 years of age, and not more than 2 options, a or b. The choices need to be realistic, appropriate and acceptable, something the child understands, and the options need to be acceptable to the parent.

Do not offer a choice if one of the choices is not acceptable. As the child gets older one can offer them a broader range of choices. It's wonderful to have parenting experts who don't see the child as the enemy in a locked combat, for one thing.

I recommend it. I don't even have kids but I subscribe to your blog because you have amazing life lessons, and because I work with an autistic child and your blog really helps me stay grounded, sane, and compassionate with my work. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me.

I love AhaParenting because there is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. My daughter reacts so much better when I empathize and stay patient. And now I get to model that behavior instead of letting my frustration get the better of me. Thank YOU so much for your encouraging emails and Facebook posts!!!

Since I began this process, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. We are all feeling a lot more overall peace. They're a life line when I really need support during a rough patch.

Thank you so much for this great advice! You give me ideas for how I can "do it better" and that lifts me up with hope and positivity too!

Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Thank you. Free weekly inspiration in your inbox. Give yourself the support you need, to be the parent you want to be. Back to top. For example, say that Billy refuses to wear the yellow polo shirt and khakis that Mom pulls out of the closet, even though he loved them just last week.

Instead, he wants to wear his swim trunks and flip-flops to school. He may begin to pout and to refuse to get dressed, while Mom asserts the need to get dressed immediately to avoid being late for school. Both sides are firm in their conviction. Billy wants to show his independence and choose what he wants to wear.

Mom wants to see her son dressed appropriately for the weather and the activity, and still make it to work on time. A simple use of choice could diffuse this entire situation. Mom could start off by saying, "Billy, what would you like to wear today?